Well for a while I though I had found a great guy that something would happen with. He was great. Nice,caring, non judgmental and so much fun to be around. He was such a gentlemen. When we really started talking we were able to open up to each other so well. We told each other everything about our pasts and we were able to talk about everything and I mean everything and it was not awkward or wired or anything. It was easy and we connected so well. Well when we finally started seeing each other when he came home, we had great talks and had fun just hanging out. We never actual went on a real date, but we still had fun and I thought every thing was fine.... well that was till last night.
He wanted to talk and that was normal for us we went and usually just talked about stuff. Well last night was a little different. So we went and talked. What was this talk about you may ask? Well I will tell you. He started off by telling me that even though he still likes me, that he could not do this? By this I mean us like dating each other. I knew when we started that we probably would not be exclusive, because he is preparing to go on a mission. I was okay with that and I understood that when he told me the first time and we talked about it. I was fine with that. Well the he just had to keep reminding me which got annoying after about the third or fourth time he told me. Well last night he told me that he did not want to be exclusive, because even though he does not like anyone but me at this time, but if he did like someone else, then he wanted the opportunity to take her out! Who tells you that? I mean seriously you do not tell the girl you are kinda seeing that you want the opportunity to date others if you thought you liked someone else even though you don't! Then he continued on telling me that all he really wanted to do is focus on his mission stuff. And that he don't not want to invest that much emotion on dating me. So pretty much telling me that I am not worth that bit of emotion he has. He would rather invest it on something else. I know it takes some emotion to date someone, but it should not be so much that it is an emotional tool! It takes emotion to be someones friend and to like someone. About the same amount to just date them. I understand if we were more serious then it takes more emotion, and I understand that. I know he wants to go on a mission and get his papers in by the end of the month, but telling me that if something happened between us that he did not want it to stop him from going cause he is so dedicated on going and getting his papers in. He has had his papers for a little over a year I think he said. And now he is just getting serious about it? I want him to go and I would not let anything happen that would stop him from going. I mean if your a Mormon you understand this, but return missionaries are way more attractive, I don't know why, but there is just something about it. But seriously, you can date someone while you are working on your papers and while you are preparing, people do it all the time. Then he told me that it also scared him that I was so young. I am 18 he is turning 21 it is only a 3 year difference it is not that much. He knew how old I was when we started, so he pretty much just strung me along for the past 4 weeks.
But I told him how I felt and it was a little mean. I basically told him that I was not and would not be the reason that he would not get his papers in when he wanted to, and that if he was really truly devoted to going on a mission, then he would have not taken so long to get his papers in and would have not chosen now to really focus on them. Also that it was his choice and he was giving up. So he told me thanks for expressing my feeling, then told me that I can sometimes be high maintenance and I make his use more emotion than he would like and that if we went exclusive that he was nervous about how much more he would have to use if things went farther. and he is sorry that I am so upset about it.
Of course I am upset about it! I actually like him and was able to connect with him more then I have with any guy. I actually though that he was different and something would happen. Obviously that was my mistake. But I have a loving family how takes care of me and helps me feel better. My sisters gave me comfort and just sat there with me. My loving big brother brought me comfort food, and my parents raised me to be a strong independent woman. And if he cant deal with that, then it is his loss. They all reassured me that I am worth it and that there is someone better for me than some jerk that does not want to invest emotion. I love my family and I love them for making me feel better when I am down. He is not worth the little bit of tears. I am better then that and I am too good for him. Thank you family for all you do for me. I have the best family ever and I love them more then anything!
