Frustration and confusion.

Life lately has been very interesting for me. All I had done for a few months is work,work,school, and more work. I was fine with that, because more work meant more money! But it was not until recently that I found the joys of hanging out with people again. I had successfully trained this guy to do paperwork and open and close the store, so I was able to take my days off, without being called in, or being called in general.

Well I finally had the opportunity to have a life again, and the car to go places, so I had a few day off,  and one of my guy friends, which I have like for quite sometime now, had asked if I wanted to get together with him, so of course I said yes!  Anyways, so he said lets go to a movie and so we did. I drove myself and just meet him there, mostly because it is kinda far. Anyways so we went and saw a movie, he paid which was very nice, I did not think much of it, cause he is quite the gentlemen( probably one of the nicest guys I have ever known). So after the movie, we went back to his house and talked for a bit, then we cuddled and watched a movie, and he kissed me! Way exciting right? Well I though so, sense I had liked him for so long, anyways long story short it was a good night.

For a while there I had just given up on guys, because I had, had such bad luck. My past experiences with guys, had been hang out, and make out(which is not how I really like to do things,) I mean it was not all that bad, at this point in my life I really could have given two craps about what I did. My attitude was "I do what I want". Ya not the best thin probably, but it was fun. That was back when I had a life.

Anyways back to my story. So he texted me then next day and we chatted for a bit, and then that Saturday he came and visited me at work. Who really does that? Well unless your like super great friends, or you like someone. So here's why I am so frustrated....

So after he came and visited me at work, I texted him, but he did not answer me until way later. Then we had like a few text conversation then that was it. So I wanted a few days and was like hey maybe ill text him, so I did, no answer at all for like a few days. So I finally texted him and way like hey we should talk about the other night and blah blah blah. But he was like I don't wanna have this kind of conversation over text. So I suggested we hang out and talk.... nothing. Seeriously guy?!? Who does that? besides all the past jerks I have gone out with. So I finally just gave  up kinda. If you know me, you know I hate not getting answers. It drives me crazy. I just don't wan't to waste my time anymore on something thats never going to happen, and just go back to being friends, you know pretend like nothing ever happened, but no, he wont fricking answer me!

So It had been a good two weeks or so, so I finally saw him at a wedding receotion for mutual friends, I was kinda standoffish, by not talking to him and not hugging him good bye and stuff. Anyways, so I texted him once I got home and we talked for a bit, but the once again like always no answer. It drives me crazy! when people don't answer me, I mean if your busy or don't want to talk just tell me. I get it. Sometimes you don't wanna talk or your busy, but atleast have the curtisy to saysomething.

So now I really don't know where I stand with him or anything, I am so many different kinds of emotions right now, part of me wants to punch him in the face and the other wants to kiss him again. I mean I always though he was so sweet and kind, but sweet and kind people dont ignore you for two weeks. I really just wish I could forget about it and move on, but it is so fricking hard, cause I actually like this guy. As bad as thins might sound, I liked him ,when I was dating his best friends, heck I liked him when I was dating this other guy before his best friend.

Right now I really just want to know where I stand and I would also love some fricking answers to the questions I have asked and not some bull crap exscuse. Because this is really starting to get old, I am tired of the way my dating life had gone and I would love or it to change, but hears hoping I get some answers! and a happier me. Sorry if this made no sence.

What an exciting week!

Okay so my life right now is going wonderfully. Last Thursday I finally got my license. Which was very exciting.  Then this Thursday I bought a Car!!!! Its a really old car, and a little ugly, but I love it! I don't care how it looks, because it's a car it gets me to point A to B and it gets great gas which is awesome, cause I am broke. This week I also am  the Official manager of LaMar's. Ya its a donut shop, but its my store. Things have just been amazing compared to the past month. I am  finally moving forward in my life and doing the things I want to do and the things that will get me where I want to go. I am very proud of myself and the things that I accomplished to get where I am in my life. Things are not always peachy though, but I just keep my positive out look and push through it. Another exciting things that happened was I got to se a friend get Baptized. This is always an amazing thing to see. Its so cool to see how the lord can change a person and there entire life. Its such a blessing to me to be a part of my church and to know that even though I am not perfect, that the lord loves me and is still willing to help me with what I need. I love my life and the people in it.

Understanding.

For some reason I just don't understand why I actually care still. Things were a lot easier when I just stopped caring about everything. I did what I wanted and it went pretty well. But for some strange reason I decided to start caring again why? I get that I should care, but right now  I just don't want to care. I don't want to try and understand why I put up with the crap from my so called friends. You tell me you'll do something then don't act on it or answer. What the heck? You tell me you don't like this, then tell me you do like it? There are just so many things I dont understand. Just tell me the truth. If your not actually going to do something, then don't tell me your going to do it, or don't offer. Dont tell me you don't like the situation, your in when you actually do. Seriously people, lets make up our minds and keep me out of your confusion. I would like to just focus on me and not your problems or finding out what you actually mean. I have my own life to worry about and I need to continue on making me better. Ya this all probably sounded heartless, or crazy, but seriously people need to make up their own dang minds. I am tired if not understanding what the heck people want.

Making a change.

Well recently I did something that I probably should have not done. Its not a horrible thing or anything. It was just a stupid thing. Well a week or so ago I was talking with one of my good friends who is also very attractive. Anyways we were talking about this guy that I dated and this girl he used to hang out with. Anyways we had a really great conversation about life and dating and making good choices.
Well talking to him made me realize that this guy that I was seeing and am not just friends with, well that he was not really someone I needed in my life. With him I did not always make good decisions. Our friendship has been going well, but after not seeing him or talking to him or anything in about a week or two, I have realized my life is so much better without the drama that he carries.
I have decided that I want to make better choices in my life and be more me. Less boy crazy, less making out with whoever and whenever. I need to focus on me and making me better. So far it has been going well. But hopefully I can keep being strong and keep focusing on my self.

Why are you in my life?

Sometimes there are people who are in our lives, that we really don't need in our lives, but for some crazy reason we keep them in our lives. Why is this? Lately I have been thinking about this a lot. There are some people in my life that I just don't understand why I keep them in my life. There not bad people, they just are not helping my situation in life right now.


There is one in particular who just causes so much unwanted drama. We were friends, then some things happened, the we would fight all the time, then somehow we managed to try the whole friendship thing again, but then it just ended up in fighting again, but now we are friends again. It has been going pretty well lately, but for some reason I just can't wrap my head around the reason I keep letting this person back in my life. Honestly it just keeps me from making better decisions in my life and from moving on. Don't get me wrong I love talking to the person, well most of the time, because this person very insightful and we can talk about everything. But I really just don't know why I keep this person in my life. Is it because there is something still there, or is it they are supposed to teach me something? I just don't know why i put up with all the crap and stuff we go through.


Then there's this other person, we are not really friends, but I put up with her.  She is kinda nice, but I don't know why I even meet her, or why I even bother talking to her. Right now she is dating this guy I was kinda seeing,but not really because I really didn't much care for him. Anyways a while ago her and I were discussing him and I, and she was so understanding and agreed with me on a few things, but now she is dating him and I don't care cause I did not like him like that, but she was kind of rubbing it in my face the past few times I have seen them. What she needs to get through that head of hers, is that I could care less what she does with her life and with him. Just stay out of my life and leave me alone.

Well that was kinda a rude tangent, but that's what has been on my mind recently and a we all know I always say what's on my mind. I think I just need to really ponder this question for myself and see if I can find out what to do.

Wanting what we know we should not have......

Well a while ago I was seeing this guy...... Ya that one. Well a few weeks ago we started talking again, it was good for a few days, then he told me he had a girlfriend! I know how crazy right, he told me he did not want to date me cause he did not want a relationship, then he tells me this, well we talked kinda about it for a bit then we just started getting mad at each other so I stopped talking to him. Trust me he was lucky that I did not say the things I actually wanted to say to him cause the things I wanted to say were way worse then the things I actually said.

Well after that talk I just stopped talking to him and stopped being nice to him all together. I thought it was way easier, for awhile it was. Hating him made things easier for me, so that's what I did. This lasted a little bit, but then I started to notice that me hating him so much made me kinda more of a mean person and I did not like that so much, so I just went to ignoring him. Which also worked for a bit, till one night when we were playing volleyball. Well here is the thing normally when we played and I either hated him or was ignoring him I would play on the opposite team so I did not have to deal with him, anyways, Last week we were playing volleyball, and he came and played next to me and that did not make me happy. He tried to say hi to me, but I kinda just ignored it. Well I was talking to my sister Kaitlyn, and she told me that I should really try to be nice to him, so I gave that a try.

Well it turns out that being nice to him was way easier then those other things. It made me a lot happier and we  actually had a great conversation. He offered to take me and my sister home after we went to steak and shake, which was really fun. So anyways he took us home and him and I were talking about this guy that I am kinda seeing,but don't want to be seeing. So we talked about that, we talked about his girlfriend and we talked about us and some other stuff, well we ended up having a really good conversation and all we did was talk for like 3 hours.

Well now for the title of this blog, well when we were talking I kinda found out that he still likes me a bit and I kinda think those feelings might be there too, but I know I just want to be friends with him. Well I think. I know our relationship was not that great, but we had a lot of fun, so why is it that even though we know we don't want/ need it, we want it anyways? Is it just cause it is something familiar to us, or just because we had such a great connection? I don't really know, but what I do know is that he is actually a good guy, we have  fun together and he is so easy to talk to. But right now I just am not really sure what to do about the situation. I don't want to ruin our friendship, now that we actually have one. So I guess I will just see where this all goes and be smart about it.

Well life has been quite crazy lately.

Holy busy past couple of weeks. Pretty much all i have done is work, work and more work.  Thanks to one of my managers quieting, I know have the opportunity to be the store manager. I already know pretty much the whole store, and paper work so I am well on my way to being the manager. Work has just been crazy, I work all the time and make pretty good money. Hopefully getting a raise soon(keeping my fingers crossed).Oh and I am buying a car!

Well last week we went to Utah, it was a wonderful break from work and I had so much fun. We went and looked at some schools for my sister, hang out with my family, and got to see Cactus jack! For those of you who don't know cactus jack, he is an amazing singer and a great friend. That was pretty much all we did in Utah.

Well soon my big sister is going to pop! In a few weeks I will have a nephew. I am so excited for her and for there to be a new baby. There are just babies every where in my family, my brother's wife is pregnant and will be due sometime in March and My aunt Sarah is also pregnant and is also due sometime in march! So many baby's is so exciting.

School also is starting soon, I am kinda excited, but also kinda nervous. I have not been in school for almost a Year! And now I am starting College. Its all online though so it will be good, and I know if I need help my sister and brother in law  are also in the same class so it will be all good.

Oh also so these two boys, well one of them we decided that friends was going to be better, so we are now just good friends. The other guy on the other hand... Well we started going out a bit, and getting to know each other kinda, but I don't really know what it is, but I seriously just don't want to date him. I kinda just want to be friends. I have not really told him this yet, but I am not so sure how to tell him. But I know I need to do it soon so that I am not just leading him on.I know that would be the worst thing to do, so I am thinking I might tell him this week. I am hoping it all goes well.

So thats pretty much my life right now, work, baby's, boys and school. Pretty much just the typical life.

Well whats new?

Well I will tell you. Life has been wonderful theses past few weeks! Work has been fun and interesting , and something new happened! So here is the story...... So after that guy i was seeing how turned out to be a huge jerk. I kinda just gave up on guys and started to focus on me more, and I was happy and had fun with no guy drama in my life, it was wonderful. But you know when you stop looking, it comes to find you. Well that happened. I stopped looking for a guy to like and date.. but now I have two guys who are interested in me. How crazy is that! I have never had two guy as once. its crazy, but kinda funny. I don't know which one I really like yet, but thanks to the wonderful advise form a friend I am giving them both a chance and finding out which one I actually like. This should be interesting. But that's pretty much whats new and whats happening.

Lies

Why do people feel the need to lie to you? I mean really even though the truth hurts, in the long run its much better to start with the truth. When you are lied to, then you find out the truth it hurts more and for longer and you don't know if you can trust the person. I personally would just prefer for you to tell me the truth first  and not have to find out later that I was being lied too. I don't care how much you think the truth would hurt me, tell me. Or are people just too cowardly to tell the truth to someone? Or are we just not worth the truth? I think I am worth being told the truth. I am a big girl, you don't have to spare my feelings I will get over it. But seriously just tell people the truth in the first place no matter how much it may hurt. It's always better in the long run.

Well what do I do?

Well what do you do when life gets a little crazy and friends turn out to not be much of your friends any more? Well here's what's been going on....

 Well mostly thers just this one friend in particular who I am pretty much just done with. Well a week or two ago I was hanging out with two guy friends and Vanessa. Well one of my guy friends (he's the one I kinda dated for a little bit but then we were just friends.) Well things were good for a bit and we were doing good on just being friends. Well this night we were hanging out with these other two people and he wad just being such a jerk and not acting like himself. Well by the end of dinner we took him home for various reasons. Anyways after that I was really just done with all his crap. But he texted me the next day apologizeing many many times so I finally talked to him and what was going on. Anyways he asked if I wanted to hang out cause he wanted to make it up to me and so we planed on hanging out that night. Anyway long story short he blew me off again. And by then I was really done with him and I wad not putting up with it any more. And I have not. I have not really talked to him in like 3 weeks except when he texted me but then I keept the conversation short cause I was still upseat with him. But anyway I have came to the conclusion that I really don't care that much about him I know that sounds harsh but I don't need that in my life and I don't need him. Right now u don't know if I even want to be friends. What can I really do but wait and see what happens? 

On the plus side work has been pretty good lately. So after having only been at my job for 23 days,I got promoted to shift manager. I pretty much do every thing the managers do. It's been fun learning all the paperwork and how things are done and how things are keept. The only hard thing is the whole having to be at work at 430 in the morning and being there till close. But other then that I am loving it. I am also training to be a certified Batista which is kinda exciting all it really means is that I could get a job anywhere making coffee drinks. Bur I like my job its been fun lately.

Well that's what's been going on and I have decided to just focus on Mellissa and making me better me. I don't need some one in my life who is going to bring me down. I don't need people who don't like me for me.  And I don't need people in my life who are not going to help me get where I want to go. So even though it sucks its time to get rid of the people I don't need.

Work,work, work... and a little bit of fun

Well it has been a while scene I blogged last so I thought I would give everyone an update! Well I started a new job. I actually really like it. I am now working at Lamar's. Its a donuts shop. Its actually a lot of fun. i like my coworkers and my managers. So we have fun at work. The hours are early,but I like that I have my afternoon and nights free. Even though I can't do much if I have to work the next morning,but that does not stop me from having fun!

This week in particular has been so much fun. Anyways I have just been hanging out with my friends. Monday I went out with Vanessa and these 2 guys. 

 We hand a lot of laughs. We played some games took some goofy pics and watched the stars. It was so much fricking fun. What a good night. Love this girl right here! She is like my sister, well shes not like, she is. I love having her live with us its so much fun, well most of the time. Now these boys are a whole different story. One of them is the guy I was kinda seeing for a bit, but now we are just friends and I am actually doing quite well with it. We have fun just hanging out as friends. The other one I am pretty sure likes Vanessa. But over we hand a fun night hanging out. 

 The other nights of the week on the other hand........... Well we went to the pool! Well twice this week we went. It was fun just chilled with family and friends. We had a lot of fun. Its nice to just relax and have fun with family and friends. Over all life has been pretty dang good the past few weeks. I am pretty happy right now. I love my job, my friends and just life in general. It just been great. Now I just hope the rest of the summer is as fun as this week has been! Hope you all are doing well! 

Oh how time fly's.

 
Looking back it seems like just yesterday that I meet all these wonderful Girls. But now we all have officially graduated from High School and now we are all moving on to College. So much stuff has happened with these girls. I have known most of them for almost 5 years or more. Its so Crazy to think that.  Just a few years ago we were in middle school hating life and saying how we could not wait for High School. Well once we got to High School we just wanted to go off to College and now we are. Theses Girls have been there for me for everything and I for them. We have fought, made up, hated each other for some stupid reason, done so stupid stuff and some funny stuff and gone to our own different groups. But through it all we have managed to stay friends. I am so happy for that. I love these girls they are amazing and I am so blessed to have them in my life.
     Well graduation was a fun night. I got to see a bunch of people that I have not seen scene I graduated in December, got to walk across the stage at Red Rocks and receive my diploma with all my friends and reflect on the interesting times I had in school with all my great friends. But now we are all grown up and it is time to move on. We don't know where the future will take us, although we all have an idea of where we want it to take us. But one thing is for sure, I hope that all of us stay in touch and stay together no matter where life takes us. These girls made life so far a wonderful thing and I hope them all the best!

On the brighter side......

This Weekend Was fantastic! and so was Monday afternoon!

 This weekend..............  was so much fun!. I went to hide out at the white out 2! It was an awesome dance party! I got to dance with so many fun people.These boys(Top left,Middle Right) are some of them and also planned it. After a night of dancing the night away with my friends and family(Bottom Right). We went to Steak N' Shake at like 1am, but it was so much fun. Best time I have ever had in awhile.

Then Monday after tanning with Vanessa,Chris and Kaitlyn, we had the opportunity to go see this amazing singer.

For those of you who do not know who this is, he goes by Cactus Jack. He is such a great singer and so friendly. We has the opportunity to hear him tell us some of his story and to listen to music. Now I am not much of a fan of gospleie music, but  I really liked hearing him singing it. He did arrangement's himself and he has a wonderful voice. You should all really hear him sing it is touching. I am so glad I had the opportunity to go meet him and hear him. It was defiantly one of the highlights of my Monday.
Also this weekend was Mothers day! I love my mom(Bottom pic, on the right standing to the left of me)

She is the best! She is so nice and helpful and I can always count on her to be there for me when I need her. She works so hard to help us and be there. I am also thankful for the way her and my father raised us. I Love you Mom and thank you for always being there you are truly the BEST mother in the world!

Emotional investment?

Well  for a while I though I had found a great guy that something would happen with. He was great. Nice,caring, non judgmental and so much fun to be around. He was such a gentlemen. When we really started talking we were able to open up to each other so well. We told each other everything about our pasts and we were able to talk about everything and I mean everything and it was not awkward or wired or anything. It was easy and we connected so well. Well when we finally started seeing each other when he came home, we had great talks and had fun just hanging out. We never actual went on a real date, but we still had fun and I thought every thing was fine.... well that was till last night.
        He wanted to talk and that was normal for us we went and usually just talked about stuff. Well last night was a little different. So we went and talked. What was this talk about you may ask? Well I will tell you. He started off by telling me that even though he still likes me, that he could not do this? By this I mean us like dating each other. I knew when we started that we probably would not be exclusive, because he is preparing to go on a mission. I was okay with that and I understood that when he told me the first time and we talked about it. I was fine with that. Well the he just had to keep reminding me which got annoying after about the third or fourth time he told me. Well last night he told me that he did not want to be exclusive, because even though he does not like anyone but me at this time, but if he did like someone else, then he wanted the opportunity to take her out! Who tells you that? I mean seriously you do not tell the girl you are kinda seeing that you want the opportunity to date others if you thought you liked someone else even though you don't! Then he continued on telling me that all he really wanted to do is focus on his mission stuff. And that he don't not want to invest that much emotion on dating me. So pretty much telling me that I am not worth that bit of emotion he has. He would rather invest it on something else. I know it takes some emotion to date someone, but it should not be so much that it is an emotional tool!  It takes emotion to be someones friend and to like someone. About the same amount to just date them. I understand if we were more serious then it takes more emotion, and I understand that. I know he wants to go on a mission and get his papers in by the end of the month, but telling me that if something happened between us that he did not want it to stop him from going cause he is so dedicated on going and getting his papers in. He has had his papers for a little over a year I think he said. And now he is just getting serious about it? I want him to go and I would not let anything happen that would stop him from going. I mean if your a Mormon you understand this, but return missionaries are way more attractive, I don't know why, but there is just something about it. But seriously, you can date someone while you are working on your papers and while you are preparing, people do it all the time. Then he told me that it also scared him that I was so young. I am 18 he is turning 21 it is only a 3 year difference it is not that much. He knew how old I was when we started, so he pretty much just strung me along for the past 4 weeks.
      But I told him how I felt and it was a little mean. I basically told him that I was not and would not be the reason that he would not get his papers in when he wanted to, and that if he was really truly devoted to going on a mission, then he would have not taken so long to get his papers in and would have not chosen now to really focus on them. Also that it was his choice and he was giving up. So he told me thanks for expressing my feeling, then told me that I can sometimes be high maintenance and I make his use more emotion than he would like and that if we went exclusive that he was nervous about how much more he would have to use if things went farther. and he is sorry that I am so upset about it.
   Of course I am upset about it! I actually like him and was able to connect with him more then I have with any guy. I actually though that he was different and something would happen. Obviously that was my mistake. But I have a loving family how takes care of me and helps me feel better. My sisters gave me comfort and just sat there with me. My loving big brother brought me comfort food, and my parents raised me to be a strong independent woman. And if he cant deal with that, then it is his loss. They all reassured me that I am worth it and that there is someone better for me than some jerk that does not want to invest emotion. I love my family and I love them for making me feel better when I am down. He is not worth the little bit of tears. I am better then that and I am too good for him. Thank you family for all you do for me. I have the best family ever and  I love them more then anything!

Sisters Trip.

Well last week we took a trip to Utah, Just us girls. No parents it was a little different but defiantly a lot of fun. We got to stay with my uncle and his wife. It was so much fun. We went and did lots of fun stuff and ate some good food. Usually I really hate car trips cause I can not sit still for that long, but this time was not bad.

 

One day we went to temple square and walked around and took some pictures. I love temple square it is so pretty and this temple is amazingly beautiful it looks like a castle! It was nice to spend time with my sisters. After we walked around temple square we went and did some shopping well mostly Vanessa and Kaitlyn, but it was still a good day.

For as many times as we have been to Utah we have never actually been to The Great Salt lake. So we went one afternoon. The beach was beautiful, well till we got out of the car. We got out there were a ton of biting nats so we took a really quick pic of everyone and got back in the car. Then we went to the gift shop. Kaitlyn and I tried on these lovely Bison hats. Don't we look great? I though we did.  Then we took some more pics of all of us with the beautiful scenery. It was also a great day. The weather was nice and it was sunny.

Another wonderful thing about Utah.....In-N-Out burger! It was so good. If you get the animal style it is a lot better then just a regular one. It was so yummy. So over all the trip was fun and enjoyable. I got to spend time with my amazing sisters that I love and also see some family. 

This weekend.......

PARTY!!!!! That pretty much sums up my whole weekend! Haha, But really it was, I had my birthday party Friday night and it was pretty fun. I spent so much time and money planning it and a lot less people showed up, but for the amount that did it was so much fun! Then Saturday was my friends party and that was just amazing. It was such an entertaining night. There were many laughs. But also this weekend I had the most amazing and honest conversation with this person. This person is a really close friend and the other night we were talking and we started talking about some stuff and I don't think I have ever had such an honest and open conversation with someone like that one. I love how we feel so comfortable with each other and we know we can talk about anything and its not even awkward or anything its amazing! That conversation was the best! This weekend pretty much was just amazing. Hope you all had an amazing weekend also

This past week

Well it has been awhile so I decided I should post something. Well things have been pretty interesting this week. On Monday nights after FHE, we usually play volleyball. Well I was playing and it was getting close to midnight so we were warping it up and I hit the ball over and it hit my finger oddly and I though it was just a small jam, cause it hurt, but by the time I got home it was like doubled in size so I iced it and went to bed. When I told my mom she said that it was either  broken or a really bad jam, so I can not play for 4-6 weeks and I have to wear this stupid splint on it so I don't hurt it anymore and so it heels right. Let me tell you something.... It is really inconvenient when trying to do everyday tasks.
  Always in other news. There is this guy and my friend told him that I liked him. How horrible! But whatever so he asked me about it and I was like whatever. We had a nice adult conversation about it and I told him I only really like him as a friend, but ya he is attractive, but I think I might just be fine with friends. He is like the easiest person to talk to. He gives great advise and he does not mind that I rant about somethings. I told him the situation with Seabiscuit  and he helped me with that. And with him I am like an open book he knows some things that some people don't know and we talk about everything. It is nice to have a guy friend that I can talk to about anything.He knows when something is bothering me or when there is something I need to talk about! I love having a friend that I can talk to about anything. It is a nice change!
  This week I also started planning my birthday party I am so excited for it. It is going to be a blast but its hard trying to deiced what food and what decorations. But more on that when it is over. This week has just been stressful and interesting all at once. Hope you all have a wonderful night and enjoy your weeks!

Birthdays and boy drama.....

Well I am officially 18! It is so exciting. Even though I had to work on my birthday, I had a wonderful day at work which is really surprising, because I do not much care for my job. But it was an exceptionally fantastic day. The sun was shinning, and it was nice a hot.  So I had a lot of energy and danced a lot so it was a blast. Then we had the missionaries over for dinner. I quite enjoy there company, but it is sad that my favorite cute one left, but oh well. Anyways so one of the elders was giving the prayer, and he said something along the lines of how they were thankful for me being born on this day or something like that, so after he said that I kinda laughed but it was quietly so no one heard except Rachel........ So she was like when he is off his mission you should date him, then marry him and have his babies. oh my goodness! It was really funny but that would be interesting. I mean he is a good looking man, and smart, but he is on him mission for another year or so.
Anyways so after dinner I went to institute, they unfortunately sang to making it completely obvious to everyone that I was 30 min late. I know it is odd,but I do not really like being sang to. It is way to much attention for me. I stayed and played volleyball for a few hours then when that was over a few of us sat in the parking lot for like an hour and a half and that was fun I got to know a few other a little better. overall i would say it was a pretty dang good birthday! And in a few weeks I will have my party!

Boy drama.............. I do not much care for drama, but this seabiscuit, who is a lot older then me makes more drama then a 15 year old girl! Anyways so after our conversation the other night(previous post) He decided that he would go talk crap about me to his "buddies" at FHE (family Home Evening), I personally think that is a more immature then not talking about it. I think that something that is going on between two people, needed to stay between those people, I mean ya maybe my family knows, but besides them only like 3 people know and they are some of my closest friends, and only 2 of them actually know who it is. But I don't go telling the whole world my problems between us. That is crazy! Anyways so I am the immature one, because I don't go around telling everyone our issues. But whatever, he can do what he wants if his stupid "buddies" are to stupid to actually get to know me and not judge me off of what he tells them, then they will learn I am nothing like he say's I am. People need to make there own judgments about people based on how they meet them and there experiences with them, not on what other people tell them. So I promise this is the last and final post about Seabiscuit, because I could care less about him or what he tells others cause he is not attractive, well to me and he is just annoying. And I don't need to deal with the drama he likes to create. Hope you all have a wonderful day! Love you all! 

Silly Boy. Didn't your mother ever to teach you not to play games with girls who play them better?

So there is this boy. Lets call him seabiscuit, because that's what he looks like. So we started as friends and then things got complicated, so when ever we talked to each other a good conversation turned into a fight. This went on for a month or so. Then I finally told him that we should just forget about what happened, so we did. Then we did not talk to each other for a month or so, unless we were at a church activity or I needed a ride. So then he decided that we should be friends again so he started talking to me again, it was nice at first then it got a little annoying, because he likes to do this thing where he says something to what I said and I don't understand what or why he responded that way he did. So anyways he texted me last night, and he did that. I said something about how sometimes being a grown up sucks, and he though it would be funny to say , "but your not one" and so I told him that just because I am not 18 does not mean that I don't act like an adult and have to pay for stuff and be an adult. And he said "lol" I  don't understand why, so I asked him what? So he said" oh nothing" And if you know me that really bothers me, so I was like okay I am not playing this game with you again. So He said ' Look's like you are" And I was like no, so just tell me. So he goes" You'll Never know" So I responded "then you'll never talk to me again". And that was then end of our conversation. So today I was feeling a little bad, because ya maybe it was a little mean and over reacting, but I was done with it, so me feeling sorry texted him and apologized. Thinking that was a good idea, so he responded "I'm done with you! You think your grown up. And then you pull something like that, you have a ton of growing up to do, and I don't care if your turning 18 or not that does not mean anything besides that you are a year older so once you mature a bit and don't get mad about everything then we will talk" So one things, I am a heck of a lot more mature then him I actually act older then my age and not like I am in high school. So   I responded to him and told him I am more mature then him cause well I am. So after I told Rachel, Jason and Kaitlyn. Rachel took my phone, and said "Hi douche this is Mellissa's sister. I think you need to keep your thoughts about my sister to yourself. She has no desire to date an ass like you. That does not mean she is immature it means she is smart. So stop being a stalker. She is way to good for you anyways." Hahaha I love my sister so much. And after that he did not reply which I have no problem with, cause well he is as my sister so nicely put it "a douche and an ass". I know I should not feel bad about anything, but I have a heart and a soul. I do feel bad and it sucks sometimes, but I am not done trying to be nice to him. Once you make me mad to a certain point I am done trying to be nice, so sorry for the rant, but that's what was going on and I felt I needed to blog about it.

Baby's, Dances and Confusion

 Well I am going to Be an Aunt! I am so excited for my older sister! I am mostly excited to be able to spoil the baby what ever it is. I kinda want it to be a boy, or maybe a girl because then we can dress it up in little tutus and dresses and stuff like that.I am excited for her besides the fact that some times she gets a little crazy and grouchy, but that is just the hormones.

Well this past Saturday, we went to a dance thing. The theme was hoedown. So my sister being creative decided to go as an Indian. So we went as a cow girl and Indian. Surprisingly she was the only one dressed as an Indian and seriously how attractive are we? We looked pretty dang good. It was a good night we meet some new people,danced with cute ones and learned a few new dances. Over all it is pretty fun

Confusion has taken over my life! There is just so much going on right now, I just do not know what I want or what I want to do. Some times having to grow up sucks! I hate trying to figure out what school I want to go to and when I want to start, and what is going to be best for me. I know where I want to go and what I want to study, but I can't go there till winter 2013, which is like a year, and I am not putting off school for year, that would be crazy! So I don't know if I want to stay here, or just go off and then transfer. 

        Then there is this guy, we are friends now, but things are getting complicated again with him. Things have happened and I have kinda learned, and know the type of guy he is, but I mean he is just so nice to me and we have some really great talks and some not so great ones. A month or so ago, a nice talk would turn in to a fight, then we went to just being friends and we did not talk much, but now we have started talking and texting again, but I am almost 99.99% sure I do not like him like that,but then sometimes I am not. I know nothing is going to happen, because I don't want to go back to the way things were and if something happened again then it would, but ugh sometimes I just don't know. I mean my heart and mind just don't have the same feelings anymore. They both conflict me. I know what my mind says is probably what is going to be the best thing, mostly because I think about what is going to happen, but sometimes the heart wants, what the heart wants. And that just sucks. But I am done with guys for now(well we will see how long that lasts). If you know me,like really know me then you know it is not going to be easy. I mean I am a flirt it is the easiest thing I know how to do. But I am going to try. Well enough about boys! Back to other stuff.

   Things have just been crazy...Or I am just going crazy. But things have just been confusing trying to figure out school and money and life is just life and it is confusing. Growing up is just confusing. I mean you actually have to figure out your own life and figure out what is best for yourself, and when you don't know what that is anymore it just sets in a whole new set of confusion.But I just have to trust that what is supposed to happen and what is going to happen is going to be the best thing for me, and eventually things will work themselves out and things will get better.  

Judgement

We all do it. It is a natural thing for all people. We judge people on looks, actions and personality. But you can judge someone too much. Everyone makes mistakes, that life!I know I used to be a really judgmental person when I was younger, but I have gotten better thanks to my best friend Haeleigh. But judging someone does not only reflect on there mistakes or something, it also reflects on our self's and who we are. Yes, sometimes we do judge people, I mean sometimes is just comes out and you have to say "Really?".. Or something like that. I know I am not perfect, no one is, but before we judge someone on the mistakes they have made no matter how many or how bad they are, we need to think about ourselves, would you want someone saying those things if you were in there situation? No, I don't think you would, so why do we say the things we do. I know in my family, if it pops in to our heads then most likely it is coming out of our mouths, but that is just they way we are. We do try to edit it some times though. I am not saying that I am perfect and I don't judge people, cause I know I do, but I am going to try to be better at not, but I think we all need to not be so judgmental toward other people, especially people we know. You can't judge someone on just what you hear, put your self in there situation, which you really can't do, because you did not grow up the way they did and see what they saw or anything like that. You were not there to experience what they have been though or done. When you are judging some one you are not thinking about the whole person, just there actions, which is not who they are all the time, people do stupid things and make mistakes! So I think we all need to work on not judging. Some people may be mad at me for this, but get over it I love you anyways.Or just don't read what I wright I could care less. Sorry if that sounded mean! Love you all

Untouchable

We all have them. Whether they are people, places or things. In this case we are talking about people.... You know that person that you want,but you know you can't have them for any reason. Or you know you shouldn't, because they are bad news. Ya well that is pretty much my life and some others too. There is always going to be that one person you want to be with or something like that, but you know you can't or shouldn't. It kinda sucks when you know, but you still try. That is my problem, because I know i should not flirt with an untouchable/ or unavailable ( at the moment), but that is just how I am. I can flirt with anyone whether I think they are attractive or not. It is just a natural thing for me! I flirt all the time. If flirting was a main language, it would be my first. But the worst is when you want someone, but you know you should not, because they are not a so good person for you. Or they are just a player. I really don't like those guys, they think they can get any girl they want. News flash you cant! Anyways that's just what has been on my mind the past day or so.

Oh the beauty of my job.

 So sometimes at my job I get to see the stupid and funny things people do while they are driving........ Some people.... I have recently learned that some people are like me but more drastic. There was this one guy driving and blasting his music and he was like head banging and dancing.. like actually dancing in his car. I could not stop laughing, it was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen.
 But on another note, the wonderful weather we have been having has diffidently helped me enjoy my job more. Who would not love to get paid to dance on a corner in this beautiful sunny and warm weather? I just love it.

Life.Boys. And a job

Well the past few months have been crazy! I graduated high school... early. So I have been working and enjoying life in the singles ward. It is quite strange not being in school. I do not see all my friends as much, but I have made some new ones, that are very fun and interesting. I have been applying to college's and have been accepted to one.. so far, I am still waiting to hear from a few others.


Being in the singles ward..... Well that brought a whole bunch of new.. Boys! Some are attractive,but I am the youngest one in the ward. So no dating them.... Yet. But there are not many of them that I think I would date. There is one he is not that much older, but we have only talked a few times. He is Kinds, but I do not think I would date him. This other guy on the other had, well he gets on my nerves a lot. Yes he is attractive and we are really good at being just friends and that's the way it will be. I think it is better that way..... Then there is "the stalker" Well that's what me and my sister call him. I know that sounds mean, but he really does annoy me and my sister like all the time and he always wants to know whats going on. I try to be nice I am good at that, but when he talks or we see his face....sometimes we really just want to punch him.. He just has one of those faces.


Oh the life of a working graduate. I work for a tax place as a waver. So basically I dress up as lady liberty and wave and dance on a corner. It is not as much fun as you think. I enjoy it some times, but it is kinds boring. But having a positive attitude about it helps. I found that when I have a positive attitude, then I enjoy my job a lot more and my days go by faster. So if you see me.. wave or honk.